Not a second goes by when i'm not thinking of you in someway.
I want to see your face. Feel your hands in mine. Feel you against me.
But, I know that will never be.
You left me. I can't get you back.
I move like i imagine the damned, the cursed.
I feel like it's only a matter of time.
I don't know why i'm writing this. I don't know what can come of it.
I know i can't get you back. I don't know what this has happened to us.
I feel like it is me, bad luck, poison.
I've stopped doing this world any real good.
Once more into the fray,
into the last good fight I will ever know.
Live and die on this day.
Live and day on this day.
En.Ter The G.Rey
F.Ri.Ends
Friends... Of all the sudden, i've just finished the series friends. And that, it makes me realize how much i really have, and how much further i didn't appreciate what I am blessed with. Friends come and go, but the precious memory that we share together will definitely never be forgotten. There are some friends that i hope to be friends with, of which i do put in really a lot of effort just to make things work, which often goes unappreciated and really does hurt me. There are some friends, who live and grow with me, who accept me for what I'm truly are despite my rights and wrongs 'which probably should be more wrong than right (well those that really know me definitely know this)'and makes me feel like family. They teach me, they humor me, they guide me and they love me. There are even some friends, which treated me like crap, doesn't give a fuck about me and my feelings and continue to taunt me, slowly draining my patience and good faith 'of which i will hold as long as i can' hoping that someday in the future, things might just really work out. There are also some friends, whom i disappointed, dissatisfied, and really did some bad stuff too, of which i beg for your forgiveness as I'm not really bothered about changing but i am sincerely sorry and i would like to apologize for. For those that are currently reading this right now, from the deepest core of my heart, whichever category you're falling into, thank you, for being my friend. ^.^
Beg.Gin.Ning Of E.Nds
I'm leaving tonight. Carrying guilt, shame, remorse, regrets but also happiness. Have anyone experienced the feeling that you yourself have went a long way, far enough to forget the past, far enough to distance the old self, far enough to be someone new. And at the end of the day, you realize that it's just another circle you travelled, bigger maybe but then you're still back to the same point. Point zero. Nothing have changed. You're still the same person as before. Maybe you got better in self deception, self cloaking and self masking but therein lies your old self. Unpolished. Unadorned. Another ending. I'll like to apologize to everyone, for those that i've forsaken recently. I might have been more or less rough, selfish and arrogant and i promise i'll try patch back the pieces i've shattered. For every single error and mistake, i beg for forgiveness and a chance to right the wrongs that i've done. I seldom pray in my life, yet tonight, i clasp my hands, blind my eyes and open up my heart. I held myself at your mercy and i beg for your forgiveness. I dare not demand nor negotiate but to have faith that a chance may be granted for a dire soul seeking peace and harmony, within and around. ^.^
T.He Wan.Dering P.Ath
I know, there is a realm beyond these walls, of which i know exist, yet i cannot reach. The world is sad, full of deception, misguidance and depression. There is a way of life, not the one I am leading, but the one i've always been dreaming. Contempt is no way of life, but mere obstruction of success. There's a reason why doors are created, locks breathed into existence. The key, is just concealed beneath a veil right in front of us. It's apparition luring us deeper and deeper into a path of darkness, path of damnation. The wandering path. It's deceiving, it's depressing, it's rewarding... ^^
For.Saken
Another night. Another cold and dark night where I am left alone to wander yet again. So much for self pity and heightened emotions. There's an adjective for people like me, pathetic. So for those that are reading it now, no offense but i guess it extends to you. Hahahaha. My life have been so intertwined that everything seems grayish. It's not that bad actually. Look through my eyes, the world is actually a better place in gray, which in my case is still pretty fucked up. Tell me, when are people going to start believing that fairies, kindness and justice are mere delusions fashioned to create more lies. When are they going to realize that there's no helping hand and you're left forsaken. Admit it, listen to the voice in your head. Believe your instinct, trust your conscience. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. All that's left are just a few lollipops on the ground. Don't believe everything i just said. It's misguiding and depressing. ^.^
Suff.Ocat.Ion Of An.Ticip.Ation
Has anyone ever been overwhelmed by the very feeling of anticipation? It's like you have been imparted with knowledge of certain occurrences yet you don't have the slightest idea of what would betide. People dream, seek & deem for this is life and we are merely phantom of our own dire lust and desires. Therein sparked anticipation, leading to speculation, further to anxiety and ultimately, suffocation. I don't really have any idea bout what's going on and all i know that is the tick, tick, tick just gets louder by each passing moment. Okay, again, I'm done crapping, but there's all i got because I'm really not in the mood to blog. Why the fuck am I blogging then? Dont ask me... ^.^