I'm leaving tonight. Carrying guilt, shame, remorse, regrets but also happiness. Have anyone experienced the feeling that you yourself have went a long way, far enough to forget the past, far enough to distance the old self, far enough to be someone new. And at the end of the day, you realize that it's just another circle you travelled, bigger maybe but then you're still back to the same point. Point zero. Nothing have changed. You're still the same person as before. Maybe you got better in self deception, self cloaking and self masking but therein lies your old self. Unpolished. Unadorned. Another ending. I'll like to apologize to everyone, for those that i've forsaken recently. I might have been more or less rough, selfish and arrogant and i promise i'll try patch back the pieces i've shattered. For every single error and mistake, i beg for forgiveness and a chance to right the wrongs that i've done. I seldom pray in my life, yet tonight, i clasp my hands, blind my eyes and open up my heart. I held myself at your mercy and i beg for your forgiveness. I dare not demand nor negotiate but to have faith that a chance may be granted for a dire soul seeking peace and harmony, within and around. ^.^
T.He Wan.Dering P.Ath
I know, there is a realm beyond these walls, of which i know exist, yet i cannot reach. The world is sad, full of deception, misguidance and depression. There is a way of life, not the one I am leading, but the one i've always been dreaming. Contempt is no way of life, but mere obstruction of success. There's a reason why doors are created, locks breathed into existence. The key, is just concealed beneath a veil right in front of us. It's apparition luring us deeper and deeper into a path of darkness, path of damnation. The wandering path. It's deceiving, it's depressing, it's rewarding... ^^
For.Saken
Another night. Another cold and dark night where I am left alone to wander yet again. So much for self pity and heightened emotions. There's an adjective for people like me, pathetic. So for those that are reading it now, no offense but i guess it extends to you. Hahahaha. My life have been so intertwined that everything seems grayish. It's not that bad actually. Look through my eyes, the world is actually a better place in gray, which in my case is still pretty fucked up. Tell me, when are people going to start believing that fairies, kindness and justice are mere delusions fashioned to create more lies. When are they going to realize that there's no helping hand and you're left forsaken. Admit it, listen to the voice in your head. Believe your instinct, trust your conscience. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. All that's left are just a few lollipops on the ground. Don't believe everything i just said. It's misguiding and depressing. ^.^
Suff.Ocat.Ion Of An.Ticip.Ation
Has anyone ever been overwhelmed by the very feeling of anticipation? It's like you have been imparted with knowledge of certain occurrences yet you don't have the slightest idea of what would betide. People dream, seek & deem for this is life and we are merely phantom of our own dire lust and desires. Therein sparked anticipation, leading to speculation, further to anxiety and ultimately, suffocation. I don't really have any idea bout what's going on and all i know that is the tick, tick, tick just gets louder by each passing moment. Okay, again, I'm done crapping, but there's all i got because I'm really not in the mood to blog. Why the fuck am I blogging then? Dont ask me... ^.^
Mi.Nutes To D.Awn
So much for minutes to midnight, its more like minutes to dawn now. I can't sleep, or maybe i can but then I don't want to sleep. Sleeping is a luxury, and not everyone deserves it. I rather just sit here and let the cold breeze taunt me just like they always do. The world is dark, cold, icy cold. And yet, there you are, again, lingering in my reveries. Have you not know that, theres a thread tied to my heart, and it yanks a little bit more everytime your smirk ripples through my head? Y'all know who she is? Hehe, keep guessing. Am i crazy? Nope, I dont think so. I'm just so screwed up that i don't have anything better to write. Hahaha. ^.^
S.Ick Of L.Ife
I am definitely sick of my life. Same routine, same expectation, same disappointment. You know what guys? Shakespeare got it correct. Life but a walking shadow, life but a walking shadow, life but a walking shadow. Have anyone ever feels that they are parable of a lifeless soul? Imagine you strolling down a street, it's noisy as hell yet it feels cold to you, like you have lost your only connection to this realm and the only wavering fact you grasp unto is the sanity in you that tells you that you're insane? I, for one, never felt like that, so yeah im just crapping and making up stories and wasting time as usual. See? Im sick of life. ^.^
Re.Vival Of A B.Log
Haha guys, i know to somebody writing a blog means go get a life. Heck, to me now this is pretty much life. So, well, i revived my blog by writing some crap on it. Know that nobody likes to read an empty life with a sad story for a pathetic individual. So, wait for it, nope, for those that know me, today I'm not gonna start with some 'jokes'. =P Phew... Its actually 7 in the morning and i just finished a movie. Owh yeah, How To Rob A Bank, nice 1, highly recommended. Now do i realize, i never really introduced myself in this blog. I'm Lucas, dude, straight, 18, single, available... Haha, fuck it, who cares who am i, so much for a lousy blogger... ^.^